Drunk Sex
by tiffaninichole
Summary: They've been inseparable, joined at the hip, two-peas-in-a-pod best friends for years and nothing will ever change that... except liquor. Lots and lots of liquor.


Hey folks! Contrary to popular opinion I am not dead, nor have I vanished off the face of the Earth…

Okay, so that wasn't the popular opinion, I just want to make myself feel more important than I really am by coming up with gossip… about myself. :-P

So yeah, I was gone for a while due to real life shit and now I'm back and trying to write again. Honestly, I'm having a bit of trouble trying to get back in the groove— writing lemons is really fucking hard and my brain won't cooperate with me, so chapter 11 of Bella's Dirty Notebook is taking longer to get out than I would like. I'm about 600 words into it and the words just won't form cohesive sentences on the damn computer screen.

I'll shut the hell up and just get to it:

BDN will be updated soon.

I'm going to work on finishing Dodgeball after BDN is complete. I've learned that I just can't work on two stories at once. My mind is too feeble.

Thank you all for your well-wishes, it means so goddamn much to me to know that you care!

This here is a little one shot that I threw together for last year's Smut University Back to School Fundraiser. I literally just remembered about it yesterday and decided to put it up. I'm hoping that maybe it will tide you all over just a teensy until I can get BDN to a computer near you.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Jasper? No! He's like my brother!"

If I have to answer one more question about Jasper, I'm gonna lose my mind. Why is it so hard to comprehend? Two people of the opposite sex can be friends. They can also be _best_ friends, which is what we are and have been since we were two. Our moms are best friends, we grew up together, we've always lived next door to each other... but when I explain this to people, they give me the condescending look that says "_riiiiight_."

Stupids.

She nods and smirks a little. "Good. That's good."

_Huh? _

_That's a first._

"Really? You believe me?"

She shrugs. "Sure."

And she's now gone, disappearing into a sea of too short skirts and red plastic cups.

Two hours later, I think I hate Maria Ruiz. She's all over Jasper. Sitting on his lap, rubbing his chest, laughing a little _too _obnoxiously at his jokes...

I down my drink, scowling at the back of Maria's head.

She's not right for him— she's a slut. Yeah, I've never heard of her being with anyone since she moved to Forks, but so what? She just... _looks_ like a slut.

Jasper's mom would hate her.

Look at her, with her slutty black hair and trampy t-shirt. That shirt is entirely too tight.

_Desperate much__, Maria__?_

Stupid slut.

I'll bet her breath stinks.

She probably has warts on her toes. Sluts have warts.

I snatch a cup off the counter and down the whole thing, never tearing my eyes away from the slore's antics. Jasper is shitfaced, he doesn't know any better and it's my job as his best friend to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

Fucking that slut would definitely be stupid.

Look at her fake nails. I'll bet her vagina is a wide, gaping hole.

She's such a slut.

"Wanna dance?"

Ugh, go away, please. Stalker psycho. "No, Edward. And I believe the restraining order is still in place, so skitter along."

At my reminding him of the court order, he's moving so fast, his feet damn near leave skid marks on the floor.

Good riddance.

His constant love notes were cute at first, then they just got creepy.

His following me home to make sure I made it safely was pushing my limits.

His sneaking into my bedroom to watch me sleep was the last straw.

_Oh. __Em__. G__ee__._

Is she seriously straddling him? Seriously? Who does that?

_Sluts do that._

I grab another cup and drink its contents, not paying attention to the burn as Trampia begins nibbling on Jasper's earlobe.

She's pathetic.

Is Jasper drinking _another_ drink?

I look down and realize I'm holding a new cup, so I drink it. Can't be wasteful.

Wow, how many is that? Hmmm... ah well, who cares?

Wait a fucking minute!

What?

Oh! Where the hell did they go?

_Where the hell did they go?_

Did I just say that?

More liquid is sliding down my throat and this room really needs to stop moving around.

How is anyone supposed to walk steadily when stuff is constantly swerving? Stupid house.

Wait! Where the hell are they?

I pick up a bottle and try to read the words but they're blurry, which is so stupid. Why would a company make blurry labels? People are so dumb.

I drink it.

It's half full so I figure I might as well drink the rest to even things out. Balance the universe and all that.

Whoa.

Did I just fall? I think I did.

I giggle because it's funny when people fall. Damn, I wish I could have seen it.

Wait! Where the hell did they go?

Stupid feet.

"Hey, where the hell is that whore Maria?"

Eric acts like he can't understand me. What a dumbass. You are the weakest link, goodbye.

I dismiss him and giggle because that joke is funny because that's what that lady says on that one show. What is it? Family Feud? I'm pretty sure they say that on Family Feud. I'm moving through the crowd and I think I fall a few times. Walking makes the world spin. How is anyone supposed to walk with the world spinning?

Goddamn, the world is dumb.

Stop spinning! Duh!

Everyone is acting like they can't understand me when I ask where the slut is. My slurring is minimal, I'm not even drunk. Idiots. At this point, I think it's pretty apparent that the world is against me. First it made me fall and now it's purposely making me non-understandable.

Earth is an asshole.

_Wait, __where the fuck is Jasper?_

Did I fall again? My face tingles. Did I fall on my face?

I'm upstairs but don't remember getting here. A bottle is in my hand so I drink some. Most of it spills on my shirt. It must have a hole in it somewhere. Dumb bottle.

I know exactly where his room is since I've been in Jasper's house more than my own over the years. That trollop better not be in there! I shake my fist in the air of the empty hallway so she can see that I'm not fucking around.

I'm in Jasper's room and Maria's face is getting punched by my five-man army— I grip her hair to get more leverage and officially make it my life mission to make my fist come out the other side of her head. Her face is bloody and she's trying to hit me back... or is it _my _fist that's bleeding? I'm so confused.

You are the weakest link, bitch!

Jasper is laughing with glassy eyes and I am too and I'm on his lap. Where did Maria go? He snorts and it's funny because he's so drunk and stupid. But he's my best friend, so it's okay. His hands are on my hips, thumbs making these tiny little circles and I like it. It feels good and I tell him so and he stops laughing.

We're kissing and the world is spinning and I'm dizzy but I don't fall because I'm already on my back. _Whoa, how'd I get here?_

Jasper's on top of me and fuck his weight feels so good. We're on his bed which is weird because I was just downstairs in the kitchen. But I don't dwell on that because Jasper's tongue is licking my nipple and oh my God it's so good.

My pants are gone, his fingers are in me, his tongue is on me. Slow, lazy circles, fast, slow, his fingers curl and touch that spot and my back is arching because I'm coming and screaming his name. My thighs clamp his head, trapping him. And after I come down and breathe a few deep breaths, we both laugh because even though we're still, the world keeps spinning.

We're on the floor next to his bed and he's still on top of me. We're laughing again but then we kiss and I reach down and I'm grabbing his cock. Fuck, it's big. I stroke it slowly and his eyes close and he moans. I smile because he feels good and the carpet is tickling me. He kisses me again and puts his hand over mine and we stroke him together. Fast and hard and so good.

He stops and says he wants to come inside of me and I tell him that's a good idea because I want to feel him come inside of me too.

His shirt is gone, his pants are gone, we're kissing and he's pushing inside of me. I moan loudly because oh my God, he feels so good. His hands are gripping my ass and I open my legs wider, he slides in deeper and he growls and says my name and I come because fuck that was so sexy.

He's moving faster, my legs are on his shoulders and he leans over to kiss me and he goes deeper. So deep. His arms are wrapped around my shoulders, holding me close to him, his breath heavy as he moves in and out of me. My back is burning but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters but this… this feeling. His eyes are closed and he looks so beautiful but I have to close my eyes because I'm getting dizzy and I think I might throw up.

He tells me I'm wet and I tell him he did it and he's licking my nipples, flicking and sucking and lightly biting and I feel it. I feel it coiling inside of me, building and tightening, making my breathing stutter when he slams into me. And it releases, my body constricting, mouth opening, toes curling, nails digging. He says my name. He says it over and over like it's the only word he knows and the way he says it makes me feel on top of the world. The room is spinning faster and he's pounding harder then he stops, face buried in the crook of my neck and I know he came. I feel it in me, wet and warm and he's panting. I'm sweaty— wet all over. Gross.

We kiss and laugh again because my vaginal cavity is slimy and if I wasn't already on the floor, I would have fallen from laughing so hard.

I tell him that I almost fell and he said he already has but that's confusing so I fall asleep with him still inside of me and the world whirling around me.

...

The sun is trying to kill me. There's no other explanation. And I think there's acid in my brain but I can't be sure.

"Bella?"

I groan because talking isn't an option. But I really wanna tell Jas to shut the hell up. Can't he see that I'm dying, here?

"Um... I think we had sex last night, B."

My mouth is incapable of speech, so I just stay quiet and hope he'll go back to shutting up because my brain can't take much more of this.

"And I— uh... I think I wanna do it again. Right now."

My answer is out before I can stop it. "Fine. Just shut the hell up and close the blinds first."


End file.
